Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Well, how's everything?
Since the end of the keeps-leaving-fears-and-doubts O levels I have realised that I've not yet bothered to blog. Well, I WAS reminded to do so but the lazy one loves to procrastinate. So what to do?? XD
These days i have been busy at the Work attachment @ SGH, which has been extremely interesting and inspiring. It wakes me to certain hopes and zips open my passion to a somewhat awesome occupation. It is certainly not easy, and in fact is terrible in many ways, but i don't know. I just feel the strong urge to try out. HAHAHa. Maybe I'm dreaming, yea, but maybe you're dreaming too. I think that it can't be impossible la, to be frank. Although I've heard here and there that there're only 3-5% of the applicants each year to be really admitted to the course or get the chance to guard this huge honour, hmmmm, the desire is still burning wildly in me.
:)
I love the attachment! I swear i will kowtow to mrs joseph for giving me the chance hahaha XD.
You know seriously how awesome it has been? It was superbly inspiring! And more, everything hits right into the points of our expectations and woohoo proud to say, i'm a exceedingly knowledgeable about doctors now! heh heh nah, just kidding ^^
Well well, i shall play abit now and then study real hard and work like hell in a few month's time. Then with hopefully good results i wanna try medicine.
MEDICINE ;)
I don't know how the hell am I going to get it out of my head now.
So back-track...
I've been going for multiple outings already. Before prom, i shopped like hell at first, didn't get almost anything but my feet already hurt like heaven, and finally in the end i became impatient and got myself a flowery dress. OOPS did i look exactly horrible? Still alright right? lol
Well, i promised to go help out during co's miving to new campus but alas, the really lazy pig first, didn't have time before prom, and second, was lazy. haiy. yanping forgive me hahas . FORGIVE the bukaka.
Watched Quantum of Solace, which was nice, and Madagascar, which was a freak laugh.
On 19nov we went for the Strings outing. It was sweet fun, especially the cycling-in-the-relatively-large-rain!
22nov. Sentosa. pictures coming soon!
I gave Jorin her birthday present. Then at the end of everything, she told me that she was touched by my words in that notebook during our zhu-guang-wan-can- at long john ;) haha i'm just kidding! whenever i eat with a person and that one person only, i will call it zhu-guang-zao-can, or zhu-guang-wu-can and of course,....
Sunday i was supposed to buy many things for myself to prepare for that trip in which i'm going to leave for next tuesday, like new jackets, pants, long-sleeve shirts, etc. However, i ended up not getting anything for myself but instead i bought many gifts for my grandma, aunt and cousins. Got my grandma a necklace, aunt a watch, cousins polotee, new shoes and others like chocolates. Haiy i really have no idea what to get them!
WHAT.THE.HMMMM.SHOULD.I.GET.THEM.
Well and since monday i've been waking up at 6 everyday again. Feels so like i've started school way earlier than others. Wooooooo ZZZZZZZZzz :)
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Hi, apparently.. dear dear prelims is finally over and i've decided to relax today. Went online but didn't quite know what i should do, all i did was to send stuffs to hanlin, which took nearly a day, chat around alot with ben and others, until Jor told me to blog and also about something else.
In the conv with Jor, I crapped so along, she asked me how on earth i can be online, i asked her what she'll eat for dinner, she asked me whether i'm hungry and i told her i'm not. LOLs then also something else that's quite sad. anyway, not saying.
In the conv with ben, i forgot cos we said too many things. hahaha
But i remember discussing which teachers we like or dislike. Quite interesting leh. It was a gossip.
With hanlin, he had apparently tried to patronize me. LOLs i rejected that haha. If i do accept then i'll be extremely shameless.
Alright, back to talking about Prelims. Think i've done badly for Bio and A math. Don't know, i feel myself losing that special confidence occasionally, that special confidence that helped me do well last time. Now, it's back to working hard and regaining that motivation. I'll start to read my exam scripts on Monday. Shivers.
Blehs. BlehX
Anyway, I've wanted to go back to co on tuesday, but i have a passport collection appointment. So sian.
Haha.. i'm going to read a book now..
Bye!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I'm not impressed at all.. by YOUR ATTITUDE. I Don't like it. I Don't like you. You know who you are.
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Dad was officially 45 yesterday.. I think my brother made a card for him, i was forced by him to draw some lame stuff, then he coloured halfway and gave it to dad. What the.. And yesterday, actually we wanted to celebrate his birthday during lunch, but he sent his car for fixing, and he couldn't get back home in time. Then for the rest of the afternoon, got tuition, got concert, got this, got that... and what's more my dad didn't like to eat cakes, and we also didn't feel like getting fatter.. So..
No cakes, no photos, no celebration, no nothing.
Just a few wishes.
Then what my dad coolly said was..
"I will delay my birth.. We celebrate another day when everyone will be free!"
LOL
So we'll go to some cool cool seafood restaurant this sunday for his celebration!
Speaking of it.. oh..my..god.. he's 45 already! I can't believe it.. *like a few days ago* he was only 35 or what. Hmmmm.. time flies!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!!!!!Happy birthday to youHappy Birthday to youHappy Birthday to DaddyHappy Birthday to you..Wish granted..Phew.. Candles blown.My lovely lao ba stands up from his chair. He gives me a hug..Okay.. imagining things.. XD
It's been a fine week with fine weather and everything. But I feel stressed. It's weird, yes, but how come.. even after stepping down and throwing away my workloads and all those.. I still am not feeling like myself? I feel shitty.
Right?Yea.. shitty. I feel like a piece of shit.
I wanted to come over to this third week of school hols so much.. but the first thing I got was a fever, headaches, sneezes, uncontrollable yawns, restlessness and tiredness. I don't understand what exactly is so wrong with me. I stopped meals for 2 days and only had the appetite for 3 tune sandwiches for those 2 days. The thought of food is great, but my stomach doesn't coordinate, and rejects all the food i ate.
Sickness.. shitty sickening feeling of exhaustion.
YO i'm in a dunno-what mood now..
Let's begin my crap..
I still remember the day we stepped up and started doing our jobs, it was something like 20th July 2007, 3 days before my birthday. To me it almost seemed like a very special birthday present. I got on my job eagerly, although i was still totally not sure what to do!
Then it went on and on. Worries, tears, frustration came to me. I tried not to accept them, but no i can't, so i told myself to bear with it and i always had to self-consolate myself. That time.. it was always a sense of helplessness and sian-ness that came at me.. seriously, I became quite bored, because I've seen the difficulties of my job. I tried to ask myself where the problem lies..
Well, if you don't mind me admitting..
- It was the rowdy group of sec4s- they used to interupt me and disturb me.. they made sure that I won't feel good in the job
- It was, very sadly, also some juniors who didn't behave too well and they added quite a lot of trouble. My burden was quite heavy because of that.
What else... problems with the teachers ( whichever teacher, cos all got some problems...haha)!
There was alot of mis-communication problems between teachers-in-charge and instructors, and it left me confused. What I had to do was to find out everything myself.. then.. somehow in my opinion I realised that the instructors were not as serious and focused as before.. it made me worried, because afterall what affects an orchestra's reputation most is the kind of music they produce..
I was so worried that the whole orchestra's standard would drop like crazy, and it would be especially sickening if it is during my period of control.. it would be saddening to see that..
That time.. there were few that i could really trust.. I was only comfortable with my dear SLs, Gladys and teachers-in-charge. Thanks alot, really.. These are the people who were supportive, responsible and had with them quite alot of aspirations for BPCO. Without them... my job would be much more difficult.. thank thank thank thank thank you you you you you.....
( 5 thank you . ! )
* This is becoming more like a reflection leh.. how.. haha*
okay.. i'm not going to write more... because i'm tired and need to rest. Can I continue another day? haha=)
I tell you, Maybe I should continue my stupid story after a good night's sleep.
Finally.. after quite long..it's nice to feel so good with my co members.
I've never, seriously seen CO being bonded as well as yesterday. As i was talking to Gladys, she told me how she had hoped that the seniors would go to school and see us yesterday. She wanted the seniors to see for themselves how much the CO has changed.. from being *excuse me* abit pathetically boring to a much more hyper group of well-bonded friends, a bunch of people who may not play so well, yet care for each other, love to be with each other and will miss each other so much just because there'll be a short break..
I'm proud to say... BPCO, you have done well in your first concert, JIAYOU and continue to pin high hopes on yourself. Believe in what you can do and always tell yourself you're the best. Then there's no way in which you'll lose out to any other co.. or.. any particular cca.
Life's like that.. with no hope in mind, without a goal- then there'll be no destination. If you dare to reach out far, the road to success is there for you.
SYF next year.. hmmm. All I can say is that if you want to get GOLD or what right, you really have to cooperate wholeheartedly and practise very with alot of focus. Everyone must try to foster great team spirit.. with team spirit there will be determination to achieve a common goal, then your long-awaited GOLD MEDAL will come on itself to look for you. And it rhymes.
I will miss BPCO.. I think i'll feel empty for the next few months, because all I'm going to care about will be studies..homework..tests..TYS..bla bla..they are boring. CO used to frustrate me.. but it also made me feel useful, and whenever I manage to complete a task, I triumph over my lazy self. CO made me do useful and meaningful things..what to say.. it gave me a different life. With CO, my direction changes..in a good way. So.. it feels as if a part of my life is gone.
BPCO.. I've tried to work hard to improve you.. I've worked hard with the hope of making you a better environment where everyone is happy. I see it going in a direction I want it to go.. yeah I'm proud of BPCO, and I'm proud to say that I love you. I was, and will always be, part of you.
okay stupid story ended.. back to my empty preparation for the big event.
What the hell problem is with me.
These few days, these few hyper-crazy days, I feel not as useful as before. When I get too happy, I tend not to see the deep side about life; about school; about teachers; about my future; about my dearest friends... you name it.
My brain is not working as well as when i feel emo. I think i'm better to others when i'm emo. What's the reason? Because when I get emo, my sense come real and i get much more sensitive to what others are doing and feeling. Not now.
At this time when I'm on the other side of my character, I feel more with myself. I don't know what to say, with no worries, no troubles, I don't get to immerse myself in the tub of feelings and I don't feel for others at all.
I tried, but to no avail.
Maybe I've not tried hard enough? I hope so, because I don't wanna be tagged as an unthoughtful idiot..since I'm already a failure at it.
Life feels uneasy. It's so difficult to achieve a balance! When i felt emo last month.. what i wanted was all my troubles to fly..all my worries to disappear, then I can be happy and feel lighter.
Until...my hope seemed to come true.. and since the release of my school results- since that day onwards- I've started to feel very very happy... I felt so happy that i started to forget myself.
Where have all my senses gone?
anyway.. tell myself to shut up. This is not something to be blogged about.
*____________________________________________________*
Sorry Jorin if I let you down in anyway, just..sorry. I don't know how to explain. It's been long since I felt so bad.
It's really high to get hyper, now i know why i must be happy. It's really the best feeling of all. I get the sense that i'm putting down all the unhappy things and doing things my own way- my perfect or imperfect-whatever you think way. I get the point- to only do the things i'm sure i'll do it well. Well.. what did i do? OOps... I'm not sure what I'm talking about.
I've got a big belated announcement to make. Now everybody tune back to 5 days ago, that is, 23May 2008. Guess what i said that evening...
"Guys, you know what special day is today? And what should you, being my closest and dearest friends, be looking forward to...2 months later?"
The result was..
" Oh man it's your birthday! How forgetful of me.. I hope you won't be angry. I still need your birthday treat.."
* A SLAP ON HIS FACE*
Okay nvm. BACK TO EMATH AND NO MORE SLACKING!